Allow me to introduce my wrestling alter-ego – The Infamous Informer, a.k.a. Grant Body -P! You can find my weekly WWE RAW blogs elsewhere on this site, or the Cage Amateurs UK website, or the BDSIR NETWORK website. This other side of me is a wrestling fan, but sometimes I’m not always proud to be one, because of how fans can act sometimes. I will tell you straight – I DON’T take wrestling seriously, but smart enough when it comes to common sense. I hate dirt sheets, because half the time they talk sh!t, and I think they are the cause of wrestling fans being so critical. I am a proud admin of FB group ‘WWE Smack Talk Centre’, you can request to join – http://www.facebook.com/groups/smacktalkcentre – but DON’T BE A WEIRDO, by that I mean someone who spams sunglasses in groups, somebody who posts endless rants about John Cena in a negative, or somebody pretends to be a sexy woman who claims to love wrestling on some fake profile sh!t… Follow Us – Pon Di Twitta @stc_wwe. That’s how the f**k we roll!
But enough of that sh!t! This blog is a response by STC member @kingvaughnjr720, who recently wrote his Fantasy WrestleMania 32 Match card, he broke down the rivalry, stories, the match and it’s outcome. You can check it out HERE. Remember the key word is FANTASY, meaning NOT REAL, meaning his imagination ran wild. So I decided to write mine, which won’t be as detailed, biased in places, but will be more realistic and still has that comedic fantasy element that only the Infamous Informer knows well. So let’s get into it…
Good chance is you don’t know her. The Grant says – GET TO KNOW! By this time she will have an album out called Black Girl Story on 9th Wonder’s Jamla Records. I’m in love with this woman in many ways, her appearance, her humbleness, her music, and appeal.
HOST OF WRESTLEMANIA 32: Chilli From TLC
I mean… come on… Chilli is an official wrestling fan. I remember making a suggestion to WWE on twitter saying that Chili should host WrestleMania and Chilli herself re-tweeted it and it went viral.
No secret: I DON’T LIKE Dolph Ziggler. I never will, He will NEVER become World Wrestling Federation Champion, but I respect his fighting style. By this time, Ziggler has returned to his true HeelZiggler roots. F**k all this fan favourite sh!t… it’s getting him nowhere. Hideo Itami, was in the battle royal at WrestleMania 31, now he’s made it to the main roster. Should be a fantastic opening wrestling contest, and fans are still wanking because Itami dropped his GTS (the SUPERIOR version) on Ziggler and beat him.
HARDCORE TITLE 24/7 MATCH
Featuring a lot of mid-carders. I ain’t tryna name em all here f**k that! Just like it was when Crash Holly won the title and said it should be defended any time, anywhere, let’s bring that sh!t back with Dean Ambrose as the holder. Defend that sh!t for 20 mins all over the AT&T stadium!
BRAY WYATT Vs FINN BALOOOOOOR!!!
I was gonna put Sheamus in Bray’s place, but I think Bray Wyatt would fit the storyline crazy. The Wyatt family reforms, Finn Balor got his wild body paint going on, it would be a battle of mind games and ruckus (and entrances) but I don’t think my dude Finn Balor is sweating a reformed, badder than ever Wyatt Family…
JOHN CENA Vs HULK HOGAN
Yeah I WROTE IT!!! Say what you want… this says DREAM (or NIGHTMARE) match depending how you look at it! Check it out – these two have been bredrin for a minute now, you see pics with them together and all that posted all over the net, it would be on some ‘match you would never see sh!t’, generations collide sh!t… Hulk Hogan just can’t help himself – he just have to be apart of big BIG WrestleMania in some capacity. So he trains up crazy, took his vitamins, drank his milk and all that, either Hogan dons the red & yellow and Cena turns evil, or Cena is his usual fruity pebble self, and Hogan sends for his NWO threads. A friendship gone sour if you will…
STEPHANIE McMAHON Vs RONDA ROUSEY
I hear some of the jabronies out there: ‘the divas title should be defended…’ The Grant says shuddup. Next, SHUDDUP. Third, go to the toilet, because that’s what you do when diva matches come on… you worse than the gyal dem – that’s a female trait – 5 women going to the bathroom together at a club to take a p!$$, running down guys, doing make up, taking selfies… yeah I said it – you wrestling fans are worse than b!tches!
GRANT BODY – P!!!
This sh!t has been building up or months, through the twitter, while Rousey fights in the UFC, Stephanie running her mouth outside the Octagon, they were once friends and sh!t, but Stephanie too outta order and bright! But you saw Stephanie’s fighting style at Summerslam last year – the girl can fight! Rousey gets ‘additional training’ by the likes of Paige and Charlotte Flair, you got divas supporting Rousey, then you got divas supporting Stephanie because they feel Rousey ‘stole their spot’ on some #GiveDivasAChance sh!t… imagine Rousey coming down the ramp like she does at UFC all bex and sh!t!!! Stephanie goose cook!
Still going to the toilet???? HA! HA! HA! HA!!!!
MUSICAL PERFORMANCE: METHOD MAN & REDMAN – Tear The Roof Off
I’m sick of all that Machine Gun Garbage and all that Flo-rida sh!t WWE tries to call hip hop to the fans… bring some REAL HIP HOP to the AT&T stadium… I can see STC’s Anthony Cardenas and BDSIR Network’s Mike Knoxxx wilding in that capacity crowd right now! Method Man & Redman are genuine Wrestling fans… so why not bring them in? Keep it real huh?!
TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: TABLES, LADDERS, CHAIRS & STAIRS!
The Ascension (Champions) Vs Lucha Dragon Vs New Day Vs Uso Brudda
F**k splitting up tag teams after 3 months and sh!t! Remember back in the days? Hardy Boyz, Dudley Boyz, Edge & Christian were teams for years! F**k that – go further than that! LOD! Rockers! Earthquake & Typhoon! Rock & Roll Express! Harlem Heat! Rocky Johnson & Tony Atlas! Keep the tag team division thriving! I think this match would be WILD! You put them four teams up in there… think of what the Ascension can REALLY DO…. WROOOOOY!!!!
DANNY BRYAN Vs SHAWN MICHAELS
Check it out, What if Danny Bryan was gonna win the Rumble a THIRD TIME, but this time Shawn Michaels pops out of nowhere and super kicks Danny out the rumble, leaving Uhaa Nation to win the rumble? (at this point, Uhaa is booed because he came up to the main roster too quick and was shot up to the main event because he was hand-picked by both Triple and Vincent Kennedy… and I’m jumping up and down saying #WhoeverLosesIWin)
If Danny can’t main event WrestleMania because Triple told HBK to do that, then Danny goes off the edge… continuously attacks HBK until HBK is forced to come out of retirement for one more match.
Before you jabronies try to stone me for HBK’s happy retirement, let me remind you that this is a FANTASY card, half this sh!t may never happen, and this ain’t a serious blog. Look at King Vaughn’s blog! Half the card he wrote has dead wrestlers on it! And yet he made it sound like an incredible card!
THE ROCK Vs TRIPLE TEEF (Austin as Special Referee)
They teased it on Smackdown last year, they mentioned 100,000 people… think about it, where else can this match happen? Both of em can still go…. I see no problem in it – LET IT HAPPEN! One more time! Yes! Let’s do this! Their rivalry in the attitude era – I was so invested… Triple was so EVIL… The Rock was that dude that they tried to keep down, usually The Rock does his usual comedy promos, but Triple set off an angry side of The Rock… THAT’S how to be a HEEL!
As far as Austin… Fantasy or no fantasy – Austin might wanna go again in the ring, but CM P**k loves his time in the UFC, win or lose! That match ain’t happening! Sure I would love to see Austin drop 10 stunners on that ungrateful brat… sh!t can’t he go to the UFC and do it in the octagon! Hey it’s a fantasy right?
BROCK LESNAR (CHAMPION) Vs UHAA NATION (WWE TITLE)
Somehow the mayor of Suplex City came back with a vengeance! Seth Rollins got hurt…. and so did Roman Reigns…Brock’s being putting muthaf***az on the shelf for joke! Brock never lost that title! He wasn’t involved in the decision! Now, it IS a fantasy card, so #BlackWrestlersMatter… imagine this: Suppose Uhaa Nation becomes the World Wrestling Federation Champion??? Does the unthinkable? Out wrestles Brock to the point where Brock has to send for the shooting star press to try to defeat Uhaa? Don’t take this for a Brock/Goldberg match! Have you seen what Uhaa can do??? You better look on YouTube!!!
Brock Lesnar didn’t sign a new deal for nothing yo!!!!
STING Vs UNDERTAKER (END OF TWO ICONS)
I told you this was biased!!!! F**k all that 15-20 years too late sh!t, Sting held his own against Triple, and Undertaker showed Wyatt that bad man move in silence…
In fact this has been 15-20 years in the making! Look how WWE did that Monday Night War episode where they made these careers parallel to each other, all the legacy, all the loyalty… but there can only be one! Sting wanted this match, the WWE Universe wanted this match, some of the IWC does NOT want this match… who wins???? ME!!!!!! Entrances phenomenal, Record setting crowd on their feet, IWC B!tches doing research saying there was really 80,000 muthaf***az up in the AT&T stadium… I don’t know why they are concerned about that sh!t… I mean, when I watch WrestleMania, do i suddenly pause the action and think…”I wonder how many muthaf***az are up in here??? 1,2….(pointing with my finger)” EXACTLY! Yeah you forgot who I am didn’t you!
GRANT BODY – P!!!
Imagine RAW the next day. A farewell ceremony to both Sting & Undertaker… by that time I would have reached my milestone 36 years. I have never had a tear in my eye watching this wrestling sh!t… I suppose there’s a first time for everything… at the same time, I got all this Undertaker DVD selection, all this WWE Network sh!t…. plus both would make appearances here and there…. yeah I’ll quickly wipe the tears now!
Big ups to @KingVaughnJr720 for inspiring me to write this. Clearly a lot of this sh!t wouldn’t happen but I can assure you of this, come that time, I will be hype as a muthaf***a, (what if Ziggler is in the main event Grant?) Let’s be real. I don’t give a damn! If he was, more power to him! I just hope whoever his opponent was, he would BRUKK HIM UP! To me when it goes down to it, it’s all about one man: UNDERTAKER. That’s the truth! F**k all this complaining online – I ain’t got time for that!