SMACK TALK CENTRE: WWE RAW 1000

Peace Smack Talk Centre. After all the hype, the promos, the anticipation, as you may have heard, In the eleventh hour I got denied the chance to watch Raw 1000 live at The Dog & Partridge due to unforseen circumstances. It was like the powers that be turned heel against me, like I could taste the WWE title and I got it with a sledgehammer, like JR was cussing like “Why?? Tell Me Why??” Like I was sitting next to Randy Orton on the bench, like the moment when you were a child and got denied the chance to see Jimmy Superfly Snuka (Shout out to Referee Tonya Stevens). Like Will Smith found out at the last-minute that he couldn’t join his family on the Oprah Winfrey Show (remember that Fresh Prince Of Bel Air episode?) Yes STC, I am not in the best of moods, which means the Infamous Informer is gonna take it out on your favourite superstars (this blog will get ugly…)

“See when the rain comes down, I know it’s falling for me, and only for me…and when the pain comes around, there’s nowhere else I rather would be, I know what I’ve done, Please forgive me…” (Jean Grae, My Story)

SOURCE: WWE.Com

What an opening to Raw 1000!!!! Here’s me thinking I did a good job with the 45 minute STC Raw 1000 promo, these guys did it in 3 and a half minutes!!!! Moments spanning all eras of the WWE, even though I would have taken out those puppet business of the PG era – I hated that sh!t! One thing worth noting, in this edit, they didn’t include CM Punk’s Pipe Bomb…which was funnily enough, edited out of the STC version simply because YouTube kept banning my sh!t…other than that great job fellas, very good piece of work! And We see a new Raw stage as well!!!! It was only right!!!

First victim to receive the Infamous cussing is Jerry The King Lawler… I sorry Jerry, you are a don and all that, but you stated that ‘ALL OF DX’ will be present at Raw 1000, now I saw Triple H and Shawn Michaels say that there was ‘something missing…next minute Road Dogg, Billy Gunn and X-Pac come through on the DX Tank…reminciscent of when they attempted to invade WCW…but didn’t I remember two women up in that crew??? Namely Chyna and Tori???? So that means NOT ALL OF DX were reunited, that’s like saying the Whole Wu-Tang are on stage and only 3 members of the original 9 turn up…at the same time Jerry I understand, what with Chyna showing her pum-pum on video and I ain’t tryna see that sh!t…plus her bitterness with Stephanie as well. So Jerry, I’ll let you off this time…don’t let it happen again!

Next to feel my wrath: Chris Jericho: Maybe Dolph Ziggler has a point, in fact he DOES have a point, when it comes to the big events, you lose, and Raw 1000 come, in a 6-man tag team match w’happen? YOU LOSE AGAIN!!!! You let Sheamus kick you down, man I liked the Chris Jericho who used to cuss Stephanie every week, not this blubbering mess!!! Dolph Ziggler is gonna brukk up your clart at Summerslam, and he might do it wearing pink trunks as well…you said that after Raw 1000, you are gonna be the only person everyone be talking about, well I’m talking about you muthaf***a, and it ain’t the way you like either!!! You DYAM ARSE! Dude you wack, and you wack at singing…Fozzy don’t make any noise over here, and that’s the rock/metal crew telling me that! You make me sick…step back…

OH MY GOD LOOK AT CAMERON & NAOMI!!!!! GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!! And I’m from the UK!!!! In fact f**k that, ALLAH BLESS THE BLACK WOMAN!!!! Yo! Black Men Magazine/King Magazine is calling you women!!!! You look so fine I’m not even gonna talk about Wack Swagger, Dude Love or Broadus Clay!!!! LIFE IS GOOD!

Daniel Bryan, do you take AJ to be your lawfully wedded wife? “YES! YES! YES!” AJ, do you take Daniel Bryan to be your lawfully wedded husband? “NO! NO! NO!” Record skip- AJ is the new General Manager by Vincent Kennedy?????!!!! HOLY CRAP! WHO SAW THAT COMING!! Certainly not the Yes-Man!!! Hell yeah I’m loving this sh!t!!! Well we have complained that WWE has been predictable lately but AJ DEFINES UNPREDICTABLE!!! Talk about new era, it is the CRAZY CHICK ERA!!! I support this, LET’S GO!! As for Daniel Bryan, tissues and lubricants are available at all good pharmaceuticals…

…and it’s bad enough me cussing your clart Daniel Bryan, it’s bad enough AJ shutting you down at the altar, but to have the Most Electrifying Man in All of Entertainment cuss you as well??? Now we know Bryan’s parents: A hopeless lumberjack and a ummpa-lummpa! (Is that how you spell it??) As CM Punk tries to hold the laughs in, he claims he will still be the champion by the Royal Rumble when The Rock will fight for the WWE title….Once again, Team Bring It ALL THE WAY BABY!!! But The Rock did have a wedding gift for Daniel Bryan….. ROCK BOTTOM!!! ROCK BOTTOM!!!

Unfortunately I have a problem with Rock’s announcement: See I don’t know if the STC clocked this, but The Grant believes that The Rock will WIN at the Royal Rumble, only to have a rematch with John Cena, defend the title and LOSE at WrestleMania XXIX…Not liking that picture at all…nothing against John Cena, but I don’t fancy seeing a rematch between the two as it takes away the whole ‘Once In a Lifetime’ concept…

Big up the man call Bret Hart! I loved his role as the ring announcer, I loved how he bigged up Christian, and then announced The Miz like he was a f***!n nobody… record skip- The Miz is the new Intercontinental Champion???? DAMMIT!!!! Now we gonna see this @$$hole at Summerslam… Er word to Michael Cole, the same applies to you, tissues and lubricants are available at all good pharmaceuticals, you and Daniel Bryan can go shopping together!!!! Ah what a lovely couple. You both then can watch DVDs or magazines of AJ, The Miz, and Vickie Guerrero and have a ripping good time!!!!

“DAMN YOU LOOKING FYYYYYYYNE STEPHANIE!!!! YOU BEEN TAKING THEM VITAMINS GIRL??!!!” (Booker-T, Raw 2001)

After Paul Heyman tell Triple seh ‘No, Brock nah fight yuh pon Summerslam’, Triple calls Brock a coward…Heyman goes below the belt and starts talking of Triple’s kids…Stephanie comes out and brings da ruckus to Paul Heyman!!!! GWARN Stephanie…b!tch slapping muthaf***az!!! Brock comes out trying to rush Triple, but gets beaten to the punch and fails to apply the Kimura Lock pon Triple! WROOOOOOOOOOOY!!!!! Summerslam it’s going off RUDE BOI!!!!

Shout out to Howard Finkel!!!!! Hold up…how come I haven’t seen my baby Lillian Garcia yet??? A wha de rarse????!!!!

I told that Heath Slater not to come to Raw 1000…and what da bwoy do? Him wann challenge somebody inna de back to a No DQ match….Lita???? oh word???? So The one Man Dyam Arse gets confident now…but Lita tell him seh she got some ‘protection’…UH – OH!!!! Here comes the APA to deliver some attitude beatings! Slater try fe run garrne, but the LOD’s music hits…OOOOOOOOOOOOOH WHAT A RUSH!!! Here comes Animal, and all his bredrins! Sycho Sid! Vader! DDP! Bob Backlund! Rikishi! Doink The Clown! Sgt. Slaughter! Rowdy Roddy Piper! And yes I did say APA, which means that Ron Simmons has the mic and looking at this imbecile for about 10 minutes before he gives his thoughts……………………………………………………………………………………………………. “DAMN!!!!” That’s what you get for disrespecting the legends of this business…you stupid muthaf***a!!!! You ain’t a Legend Killer! I can’t even cuss Randall because he’s here sitting next to me in the ‘You missed out’ section…

Next to feel my wrath… The UNDERTAKER HATERS….see it would have been these six jabronies who came out cussing that it’s the 1000th show and they don’t get no shine, so they wanna beat up my hero Kane… but I feel you Undertaker hating muthaf***az are gonna get got here… Now the unwritten golden rule in wrestling is, that if you see both The Undertaker and Kane in the ring together, your common sense tells you to leave the muthaf***!n ring. Not these guys, they feel it is power in numbers, which is usually true, but we talking Undertaker & Kane here!!!! Now you Undertaker hating b!tches talking about – ‘Undertaker is gonna announce his retirement at Raw 1000’ First of all, Shut the f**k up. Next, SHUT THE F**K UP. And finally, SHUT THE F**K UP PUT A SOCK IN IT PA, BE QUIET!!! Damn that track by Nas on the Life Is Good album is in my head…”Some say hating is confused admiration…” (Nas, Stay, 2012)

What a waste of a cash in with that Money Inna De Bank briefcase…In the contest between CM Punk and John Cena, The Big Show tries to bait it up for Cena (Just like I predicted last week) by P.unching him T.hrough S.chool B.uses…CM Punk didn’t really want to win that way but he thought f**k it…I’m gonna cover this dude…but Cena must have toughened up, because he got up after Big Show’s P.T.S.B. Realising that Show’s move didn’t work, Big Show comes back and then deliberately disqualifies CM Punk…but watch the twist…as Big Show continues the assault CM Punk actually turns his back… Show’s all time nemesis, The Rock comes through to lay the smackdown on the 441lbs, 7ft2 piece of steaming monkey crap…but then, CM Punk turns evil against The Rock!!!!! Was this a surprise? Was this a shock? Well I can’t lie, I checked through the STC and I saw a debate whether it was or not so The Grant says this…it was AND it wasn’t. You see when CM Punk dropped the pipe bomb last year he was a HEEL cussing The Rock about jumping into main events. A LIE ME A TELL? Check back in the YouTube archives. Furthermore, look at The Rock/Daniel Bryan/CM Punk segment…The Rock took centre stage and basically out performed him lyrically. The look on CM Punk’s face told the story. A LIE ME A TELL? Once again, look back at it. Of course Punk could have challenged The Rock as a face at the Royal Rumble but once again I pin it down to one person…that selfish @$$ John Cena who WON’T TURN EVIL…it would be an even more shocking moment if Cena turned evil, and it shakes up the storylines. With this direction now, admittedly I don’t know where the WWE is going from here especially with AJ running the dance…and plus the man who brought the most viewers to Raw – Stone Cold Steve Austin wasn’t even in effect!!! But wait….I just thought, maybe CM Punk’s heel turn is a move by WWE to build the epic confrontation between him and Stone Cold Steve Austin himself for WrestleMania XXIX….Well STC, what do you think about that????? The Grant says this: WrestleMania XXIX – Rock Vs Cena II for the WWE Title, CM Punk Vs Austin – grudge match, and Brock Lesnar Vs Undertaker – 21-0….

I’M IN 2013 ALREADY!!!!! CATCH UP TO ME!

IT DON’T GET NO BETTER!!!! STC4LIFE…. BEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTCHHHH!

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DISCLAIMER: THE OPINIONS EXPRESSED BY THE INFAMOUS INFORMER ARE NOT NECESSARILY THOSE OF THE SMACK TALK CENTRE. SMACK TALK CENTRE IS A NON PROFIT FAN MADE ORGANISATION AND IS IN NO RELATION TO WORLD WRESTLING ENTERTAINMENT AND IT’S RESPECTIVE PARTNERS.

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